Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Quit.

So I resigned from my job. The notice period of 4 weeks starts now, which basically means I will be paid for 4 more weeks for barely doing any work ;)

Let me explain before the bombardment of questions like: "found new job?", "what next?", "why?" et al.

I haven't found any new job and I do not know 'what next' in terms of my career. In fact, am not even that bothered about it right now. All I know is that in a month's time I shall be returning to Hyderabad and staying at home for a few months. How many? Again, I don't know :P

Several justifications do exist for this apparently radical decision --

£. Money? It is a myth that one needs to be continually employed. Why can't one work for just a while, save up some money, stop working and live on the savings until they are exhausted, then go back to work and repeat the cycle? Of course, it is not possible for everyone, but I have no responsibilities or commitments and I can afford to do this ;). Also having the safety net called family provides the required confidence for the step.

$. Health. There is the belief that going home will improve the health. This approach hasn't been verified and it may not work. However, staying at home will certainly relieve the stress of managing everything oneself. Being completely independent is actually quite fun but it is not that much fun any more when you are barely able to hold everything together. In the fairly ill periods, the idea of being back home seems very inviting, the familiarity and support reassuring. However, in the fairly okay periods, the happy self takes over and questions the logic of leaving behind my happening life here - all the friends, the gatherings, some of the comforts, the weather ;), the ground-breaking sky-shattering research work, etc - for some drab unexciting existence back home. In the end, I suppose the former sense prevailed.

Wow, my medical conditions can actually have a major influence on my career. I never looked at it that way, until now.

€. Job? It is not as if I was looking to continue in this job all my life. Plans to move onto something were always in the making. Just that nothing came up that was worth moving onto. Well, I seem to have decided to move on, nevertheless :P. Doesn't imply that I will end up finding awesome work next, but maybe it's better to move than being stuck in the doldrums - even if the doldrums are around a relaxing tropical paradise.

On that unusual extension to the clich├ęd metaphor, we shall end our 'dear diary' chat for today :P.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Move .. more or less ..

It is supposed to be scary. It does seem to scare others, at least, momentarily. It is supposed to be a big overhaul, and it certainly is. Perhaps more than most realise. Even I am yet to comprehend. Not even close.

Am I stepping out of a spiral or obliviously diving into one?

How often do such moments appear? Everything is running smoothly, at least superficially, and then all of a sudden.... No, there is no snap, no trigger. At most, there might have been a few hints of them, here and there. But somewhere in the back of the mind, things have been decided and so they will stand.

Unexpectedly, informing others only seems to strengthen the resolve rather than darkening the shadows of doubts.

Everything has to go, everything has to change, but for what? And why? These questions are unanswered and will remain so.

This is a step not to find answers but to confront self with a new set of questions. A rehaul of the array of challenges.

Will I regret it? Don't think I'll let that happen :)

Sunday, March 04, 2012

Blank

To just listen
Blankly.

To stop wondering
What's here, what's happening
Fallen off desire
Nostalgic without memories
An amnesiac of dreams
To make the thoughts retire

Unanswered questions
Some painful assumptions
Lost, never owned
Possibilities seared, discarded
Yearning jeered, mocked
Perhaps, better alone...