Wednesday, March 21, 2007

A morning verse, written at midnight

Fluttering curtain, an open window
a cold glimpse of the grey sky
breeze, valiant against the bricks
leaves, clinging on to the twigs
early light, dispelling the night.

sleepy eyes, a restless mind
a look at the dry itinerary ahead
work, jostling amongst the meetings
pleasure, finding not its bearings
long day, life rushing on its way.

6 comments:

kunal said...

Loved the last two lines....

playboi said...

Mail Sent by Jithu (21/3/2007:12:08PM IST)
"Yeah most of the brits are gay or tend to become gay or will become gay eventually."

Couldnt agree more.

PS: Nice

Karan said...

Nice!! The 2nd para was specially good

agastyabhrata said...

But for a few glitches that I find, I think this is one of your better poems. My memory fails me or else I could have written the form of poetry used out here.

I notice that there is a supposed relation between the corresponding lines in the first and the second stanza. So now, let us check out how well they are.

"Fluttering curtain, an open window - sleepy eyes, a restless mind"
The first line and the second line do seem to present a same view, let me elaborate -
fluttering and restlessness seem to be going together. Eye is like an open window - and the curtain could be considered as the eyelids which keep closing and opening when one tries to stay awake in a sleepy state.

The corresponding second lines in the I and II stanza - very good. Grey and Dryness go well together :)

Parallel between breeze and work is interesting. But somehow does not seem to match what is conveyed next. Breeze is supposedly gentle. Had you replaced Breeze with Wind - it makes more sense. Wind hits hard at you (walls) - not breeze.

Let us now come to leaves clinging to the twigs and pleasure not findings its bearings . Going by the cold, grey sky expressed early in the poem- the season expressed is Winter with an overcast sky - so to say. Summer has generally a brighter dawn - and not grey. So - it perfectly makes sense if the leaves are not falling and they are trying to cling on to the twigs - and not falling off.

Now, when the point is about clinging on - Pleasure - trying to linger on - would have been logical. But, unless the Spring comes - pleasure cannot bear fruits - so one has to wait - and there is restlessness setting in here in anticipation.

The last lines - Early light, dispelling darkness - which is a positive sign - and the other stanza says - long day - a thought that comes to an apprehensive mind - and it continues on when talking of life is rushing along. But the anticipation of fruits of pleasure are the driving force for the long life ahead. Good one.

I liked the contrast brought out in the last two lines correspondingly in the I and II stanzas.

Lastly, I think the above made some sense and helped you.

Anonymous said...

With Pranav's 'insights', this does make a lot of sense contrary to the abstraction I found in it when I read it first.

Beautiful piece indeed :) !

Navya

mythalez said...

@kunal, thanku thanku ^:)^

@playboi, eh .. look whos talking!! :P

@karan, thanku thanku

@sage, viola, you are spot on regarding the relation between the first and second stanzas, regarding the connection between the curtain and the eyelid, the grey and the dry etc etc.

however, you seem to have mistaken bearings to mean fruits while I was using that word as part of the phrase 'finding one's bearings' which means as finding one's presence, orientation etc.

thanku for the appreciation and the analysis :)

@navya, well, there always ought to be some abstraction which each reader would interpret in his own special way :) and yeah .. thanku thanku :D