Life, aspirations and everything ...

Time is 4:57 am. No, this is not another post with sleepy eyes. Just woke up. And read a nice article by an IIM guy about what and why we should(nt) aspire. And also about love.
Anyways, what i would like to know, Is there a need to have some ambitions, aspirations? Well to think, do i have any? (this question starts the great self-discovery process, after a million milli-seconds, the result tumbles out.) Do i need to have any? Wouldnt it be better to take life just as it comes. Not deliberate upon the future. Heard that this is a common question in many interviews, "Where would you like to see yourself 5/10/10++ years from now?". So, any answers?
My answer would be, i do not want to see myself anywhere 5/10 whatever years from now. I would rather, be there then, and be here now. Rather than having an ambition and running after it, maybe its better you walk, enjoy your walk, you may not have a destination, but thats the beauty of it. How many times have you enjoyed a walk when you had to get somewhere quick? And how many times have you enjoyed a walk which didnt take you anywhere in particular?
I dont think there is any such thing as a destination in my life. Or rather in anyone's life. You may want to achieve something, By the time you achieve that (or not achieve), your so called goals are set somewhere higher (or lower :P). A goal is nothing but a mirage. Why am i sounding like a self-help guru? :-SS Theres a lot of money in that field though...
Another benefit of not having any goals. No regrets. No disappointments. At the same time, not having a goal is not a passport to being useless. It does not mean that you neednt be sincere in what you do. The primary aim (if any) in life should be that you dont feel bad about anything that you did or didnt do.
Why am i preaching? That too something that may not make much sense. At a time when i have an endsem in 4 hours and another in another 10 hours. And i havent even started any preparation for the first one. But it doesnt really matter. What would you prepare for an exam that doesnt have a book, doesnt have any syllabus and you have no idea what you would be tested on. Its an open book, but i am not taking any book. Not due to over-confidence but due to the insufficient knowledge of what book to take :D. All that you can arm yourself with for facing such an exam is your luck and confidence. A dash of intelligence would also help i guess. :D
Finally, where would i like to see myself 5/10 years from now on? "Living a lovely life". Rephrasing it, "Continue living a lovely life" ....

Morning, morning...

Yeah, it is morning. Almost. And why am i blogging at this godly hour? Because, i couldnt fall asleep. These days my sleeping time has extended to beyond six. To think, before coming here, i was a good boy who used to sleep at 11!
Long time that anything abstract was written here. The time has come.
Two and two make four. Similarly one and one and one make three. But two and two dont just make four. They make two pairs. Two ones make one pair. But what if the other two ones arent supposed to be a pair? But, since the first two ones have made one pair, these two ones will also have to make a pair. More out of neccessity than of desire. But will neccessity lead to desire? It depends upon the environment.
Abstractness ends here.
Exams in a few days. I hope to set right my habits before that. Actually just 2 days now. I better change my sleep timings back to normal. Otherwise, would be sleeping through all the exams, be they held in the morning or evening. As a final touch to this post:
Conjecture 2.4.05: Irrespective of the number of hours already slept, any kind of Study induces Sleep almost immediately, but if persisted with Study, without succumbing to Sleep, the result would be Hunger (no counter-example found yet).
Actually wanted to write 'Experimentally proved' in those paranthesis, but the great Sage has enlightened me that a Conjecture if proved would no longer be a conjecture but become a Theorem.

Why Hyderabad rocks....

Because, after torturing you with unbearable heat for some weeks it suddenly transforms into an abode of rainfall and showers upon you the pleasant smell of water wetting the the sand. They say that the first rain after summer is always sweet. Other places may experience such a phenomenon once a year. But we here, experience it many times a year. And ofcourse, hyderabad is also full of rocks. Finally, i have decided that i am in IIIT to study. So i guess, it ll be back to slides and stuff for a week. Thats it? A week of study and you complete a semester? There are some perks ....
This post is being brought to you by yours truly after sleeping for twelve hours. Finally, i am left with only two things to do. SS= Study and Sleep. So as my preferences are quite obvious, i am going to make full utilisation of this oppurtunity.....
Let the weather remain so for the rest of the summer! Well, in that case, it wont be summer anymore :D......

Fared Well...

Gave the farewell to our seniors today (technically yesterday). And it went pretty well. Was very interesting and extremely funny. Our Seniors rock! And so do we :). I had thought that our batch had transformed from a groovy batch to a groupy batch. But, the farewell has shown that we can still accomplish many great things together :D. When we were making the Story Presentation for the Cd yesterday night, i looked at the various photos of our seniors and it made me very very envious. They seemed to have been partying every other night in their final year and going out every week. That too in big big numbers. Sometimes all of them. Our batch hasnt gone anywhere yet. When will we? Will we ever?....
Regarding the elections, it was reheld because the earlier system had a bug! Somethings just cannot be helped.
Some people stop being friendly towards a person when they are jealous of them. But once they too taste that success, or achieve that envious unattainable, they are once again friendly and humility personified.
So the moral of the story is that its time for me to sleep (After two sleepless days and nights).

With a hungry stomach...

Wake up at lunch time. Get ready and feel extremely hungry. Walking sprightly to the mess and then on the way it strikes you. You dont have any lunches left! You had a breakfast left but that was sacrificed for sleep. And you have no lunches left. You had a lunch yesterday, but you were at home. You must have eaten breakfast less than 10 times this month, yet you do no have any more breakfasts. This is unfair!
Lot of changes happening at home, but i havent been noticing despite going home every week. No longer are the summers going to be hot and exhaustive. The air is conditioned now. It led me to remember the first time i experienced the effect of an AC. So young i was, had gone to then Madras, entered some room and wow, felt cold. Really very very cold. But somehow, no amount of technology can ever beat the exhilaration of a cool wind on a pleasant evening with a lot of clouds lurking in the sky. Sitting in a non-manicured lawn, plucking the grass and paying a bit of attention to someone beside you, chatting away to glory. Even that person knows that you are not really listening to him/her. But he/she keeps talking anyway, just because he/she wants to talk to you. I guess i would prefer a she rather than a he :D.
There are some things in life you can always look forward to....

The Campaign starts...

Finally we started it. Met quite a few people today and impressed upon them the benefits of voting for us. In short, if they want a better, more vibrant campus, they have got to vote for us. Now at four in the morning i end up at my room. Exhausted. Why am i even doing this? How would it benefit to me that if we win the elections? No, a single line in the resume is not of my concern. I would certainly have many other things to write there. I guess, i do not really know. All i know is that, of the candidates who are contesting, no one comes even close to being as fit to be the CLC as we are. Aaaah. I got to get out of the campaign mood :D. So what if we are very good for the job? That is no reason for me to be interested in this. I guess, the initial blame lies with cc. As for this time, my close association with Pranav actually led to me being in his team. I dont think anyone in the institute can understand Pranav more than me. Now that is quite an achievement:P. So what does it result in? Me finally coming to room at 4 in the morning. Tired and thirsty with not a drop of drinking water to be found anywhere in Obh. And currently i can do nothing about it. And i am dying of thirst. Neither do i have the energy of going to Nbh to get water. I got to wake up at 7 anyway. So i dont see any point in sleeping either. Moreover, i am too thirsty to even sleep. I am actually hungry too. Todays menu wasnt strong enough to make me visit the mess. So here i am, contesting an election, hungry and thirsty without any sleep....and bored also :D

no memories...

Just read a blogpost of a friend which was full of the visions of her parents' childhood. The streams, forests, plantations, trees and paintings. Just made me think of my so called memories. Sorry, i really dont have any worth mentioning. Not even those of my parents. Both having been brought up in towns, i guess i lost out on the rural aspect of life. I have never been in a village! I dont have any memories worth speaking of. Just a few incidents here and there. Just have been living a drab life. Existence without any beauty. Nothing worth remembering. Nothing i remember either. Pity myself. What a life. Not good enough to be a memory or induce nostalgia.
Had a voter meet. Of not much use though. It was more of a platform for people to expose the shortcomings of the others. As regarding the case with my team, people came with a fixed mindset of not listening to Pranav. Though he finished in 5 mins, they thought it was 20 minutes. And all questions were on canteen. And no, they didnt want to listen to the reasons. Just were trying to point out that he failed. They did not want to know the facts. Cant help it. I dont even want to campaign. If they sensibly think before voting, read the agendas etc, then its fine. But i doubt how many do that. I dont think even 10%. I guess they would deserve whoever they get. But, we being highly educated, i hope that our elections arent as blind as in general it happens in india. But, i guess i am hoping too much.

Is it worth it?

Elections everywhere. The elections for student parliament make some sense atleast. But for the PS post, which i dont understand why anyone would want, the elections are taking a very bad turn. Can see the politics everywhere. It hits you in the face. The Indian politics in a small scale. Groupism, regionalism, favour, bribery, everything for an election among 100 people who have known each other for 3 years. I would say, let them be, whoever is desperate to become. We certainly deserve the politicians we get. Approach people for your committee whom you would not even approach for an assignment, approach them just because they would then influence some people to vote for you. It really sucks. A batch of 92 has to play dirty politics just to get a person to represent them for the job offers. And when, the jobs are almost guarenteed for everyone. And people are being included in the committee not on basis of their ability but rather whether they represent a particular section of the batch..... I no longer like our batch.

Elections for the parliament. Another muck. I am already sick of hearing from a few that the only good point in my team is me. What do they know what pranav has done till now? And, we obviously need some votes from UG1 if we are to win. But the only way i thought it was possible to get some votes doesnt contribute to the well being of that batch. So, to win, we have to campaign strongly, but campaigning strongly may lead to unwanted problems among the batch. So, in short, if the campus is to get better, we are to win. To win, we got to get votes. To get votes, we got to get them from UG1 and UG2. Getting votes from UG1 may lead to divisions in the batch. Our batch was together atleast for two years. I have no idea what i am supposed to do. I no longer seem to be interested in it either. I guess, i dont like to fight without decency. I cant stoop to lower levels just to get a membership in the parliament. But, i believe that the only way the campus and our lives here can be improved (which is really needed) is by us winning the election. What is the point?

With a blank mind...

... am writing this. Today must be the day of the longest hours of classes. I missed the first one at 8:30, even then the total hours came to about 6 and 1/2. In the small breaks, i had to finish the work for the election. Right from deciding the third team member, to filling the form, getting the signatures and submitting it. Nomination form for the Campus Life Committee of Student Parliament. The guy who is standing for the secretary post is the great sage Vasishta. Hope he wins. He really deserves it. No one else would have done as much as he has done for the institute. No. This is not for impressing the voters, but the truth. I being the second member, the third member of our team is a nice MS guy. Our opponent is again my friend Arpit with a first year and another second year guy completing his team. We had offered him to be in our team, even the secretary post if he wants, but he was adamant on contesting against us. And there is this third team which is contesting for fun i guess. I hope we win. This Campus really needs some improvement. And this is not restricted to food alone. I guess campaigning is going to play a very important part in deciding the winner. It seems to have already started. But somehow, i dont feel myself cut out to the task of going around asking for votes. It feels strange. Havent tried it yet. Just tried on a few friends. Still felt strange. Guess, i got to ignore these inhibitions. But i still feel, that there shouldnt be any campaigning. Just put your agendas and sit quiet. Ofcourse, if some one asks you for clarifications on your manifesto, then you are welcome to do that, but otherwise, you should be silent and allow the voter to make his own decision. But this isnt an ideal world. And no such thing is plausible. So you got to campaign. So campaign we will i guess.
By the way, if you are a IIITian reading this, do vote for us. :D

no sense here...

Was about to sleep. But, suddenly felt like blogging. So here i am. With a research paper on my lap, a paper that i was supposed to be an expert in, a paper that i am supposed to explain to my professor who is one of the bonds in that field, a paper which contains many concepts i just heard of, a paper that i am confident i will be able to understand by 11 when i have to present it....
The stuff below is not going to make any sense. Yes, the abstract posts are back (without a bang though :d )
Looking ahead. You dont really care. But you look anyway. Why? Because that is the direction you can bear looking. You cant turn around. you dont want to turn around. You are all alone. In reality, you arent. Forever surrounded by people, forever talking to someone or the other. Yet, in reality, you feel alone. Solitary not physically, not emotinally either, neither spiritually but solitary somehow. Do you always know what is good for you. Forget that question, do you atleast sometimes know, what you exactly want? Is it that what you crave for is what you actually want. And, i havent even started about the 'need' part yet. Do we know ourselves? If not, then who else would know you? Do we even need to know ourselves? What do you gain by knowing yourselves? Is the gain factor really relevant?
On another note, is every living being selfish? Can you call, fighting for survival, selfishness? If not, then cant anyone state that something is desperately needed for their existence, when we accuse them of being selfish? Is being selfish bad? Why should it be? But why am i talking about 'selfish' anyway. That too without any provocation whatsoever. What ever i have been typing, i have been typing just for the sake of typing......

Was supposed to be reading...

some research papers. Got to pick a paper and present it in tuesday's class. And currently, i dont even know my choices properly. Instead of reading the paper, i somehow wandered away to reading my own blog! Read the posts of some two months. Is there a difference from then to now? Thats for the readers to find out. Is there a difference in me from then to now? Not really, other than the fact that now i seem to be perpetually busy and tired. No, no. This post isnt going to crib about anything. Blogging had been a fad some weeks earlier. As expected, it died out and no one even seems to have noticed the demise. Good actually. Many have other and better things to do than just plainly chronicle their daily life in not so interesting details.
Was dining at a restaurant yesterday along with ravi and tejo. A form of relaxation after two days of 'showcasing'. Waiting for the waiter, i and ravi somehow suddenly started playing hockey. How? The knives were our sticks and the goals were the salt and pepper tins(couldnt recollect a better noun for that thing) and the ball was what is called generally as soap (not the bathing kind nor the television kind). I am not sure if it indeed is called what i think it is called, anyways, it did serve well as a ball. The game couldnt be completed as our wait ended a trifle sooner than i would have liked. So as not to be accused of hiding some details, let me also mention that ravi was leading. :D
What is this relationship between work and sleep. When some work confronts you, sleep attempts to capture you unawares from behind. So what does it result in? You kicking away the work and going away with sleep on a dream date. :D.
Well, got to go now, my date is waiting for me....

no one to give a flower to...

No, no, i wasnt walking
i was just floating around
No, no, i wasnt talking
i was only making sound

Sat on the grass dew
without any motive
i plucked a few
and let the rest live

Pressed them together
and held them in my palm
light as a feather
they spread around calm

Chanced upon some leaves
i picked up a few
and then as a tailor weaves
around the grass, i sew

i brooded then upon
this half made creation
what should i put on
to take it to completion?

One flower was white
another was yellow
a mix of red and orange
was the third fellow

and so, i made a bouquet
fresh out of the dew
i had to give it to someone
but give it to who?

I love the institute...

As promised earlier, i am supposed to write about the institute. So, here it comes. Unedited, at 5 in the morning. Fresh thoughts of a mind which woke up just know.
Before i joined the institute, when i came here, i didnt actually like it. The only place i had gone then was the 'main building' as we call it. I didnt like the artificial look of those manicured bushes. But when i actually joined, and got a room in OBH, and came here to just have a look at my 'new home', that was when i fell in love. Obh rocks.
As everyone, i joined the institute with high hopes. Attended the classes. Listened in the classes. All the classes. And i remember, the first assignment that i did. I had been so careful! But these things are trivial. What i would remember would be those days with the friends. An assigment day, supposed to submit the next day morning, so start it around 11. Start it initially with Akshay. Soon Sharath would come to give his inputs. Followed by Sudhanshu, sometimes Tejo. And then come hoards of people. All ready to create their own translation of the assignment. Finally end it at around 3. And sleep. Rishabh takes the assignment in the morning. Gets inspired by it and does his own. I am so sleepy in the morning that i end up not going to the class or sleeping through the class. The assigment procedure was invariably accompanied by music. Initially it was my rikecty tape. But with the advent of pcs in the second sem, mp3s ruled. The fun we had in the wing was what was unique about us.
The second year was better. I had my own pc now. No more was the music-system required. We now also had Su in our wing. The classes started late in the morning, so you could wake up leisurely. Any my routine was, wake up (actually Tejo would wake me up), go to Su's room, wake him up, take him along with us for breakfast, come back, and then i would settle down on su's bed for pleasant sleep. Su! I miss that bed!!
The third year is going on, so no reminiscing about it now. I love the years that i spend here. But does that mean, i would like to stay here? Or that i want to stay here? Or wish that there were more time to spend here? Nah, not at all. I used to feel so then, but not any longer. I guess due to the excellent administration/faculty. they started initially with stupid rules, and now they keep coming with unbelievable ones every other day. You feel that they cannot get any more sillier, and then pat comes an even sillier one. But those rules really dont matter. Who cares about them anyway. But i dont like the way, the institute is progressing either. Okay, we are supposedly doing great research, and we are gaining more recognition, but what is actually happening here? The first year, the institute buzzed with activity. Every event, any sort of event was organised and had lots of participation.
But now, there is this apathy. No one organises anything and no one participates. And I blame the administration for it. It is not only the students fault. Even those who had enthusiasm in these things earlier, no longer seem to care about it. Only sports seem to be going well now. Thankfully, atleast those are. Why do i blame the administration for it? Because, with their stupid rules, they are not providing any leeway and people are so pressed with time due to all that they give the extra-curricular activities a miss. Another problem is that increasing number of students who are being admitted every year. How does it help? Other than give a taste of India as such, with crowds everywhere (except some places where there are none). Did ever an increase in quantity lead to an increase in the quality?? Even though, the number of IIITians are increasing, you find the same set of people in any non-academic thing. The same set of people with minor modifications. And as this set cannot handle everything, some things are just lost forever....

Sleep makes you feel good...

especially if you havent really slept for a long long time. Finally the day has come, when i have no immediate pressing work. Whew. What a hellish hectic year it has been till now. And it feels good to wake up leisurely to the luminous sun, which is growing hotter by the day. It would have been better if i didnt have to go and excite people about research, but, it is better anyway. Went to the Chutney's buffet again yesterday night. Second time in a week.
While coming back, all 11 of us in a single 7 seater (ever found it with exactly seven people?), there was this brilliant idea that songs will be sung and each one would be dedicated to one of us. So it started. Out of the ten dedications, 5 songs were regarding the girl that they are teased about. As expected i guess. The dedications to others were regarding their inimitable characteristics. Yours truly had a song dedicated to him, the supposed connection of which had very high funda! One guy didnt have any song dedicated to him. Actually, he was the one who was coming up with the songs for others...
Walking back in the campus with cool breeze enchanting, i just thought about what the institute meant to me. A lot of things came in my mind. Wont be revealed in this post. Some other day, when i have time to write about them! For now, i have to go and get some people excited about research again! I still feel this workshop wont really serve much of a purppose. Workshops generally dont >:)

A secret in a blog??

If you want to reveal all your innermost feelings, should you do that in a blog? And then expect people not to read it? To ensure that they dont do that, you try to make sure that they do not get the url. But, why write in a blog in the first place? Ofcourse, at some point in future, you would look back, read those posts. laugh at yourself, be surprised, basically get nostalgic. But then, there is always the danger that soneone you know comes across it and realises whose feelings he is reading (could be a she). And then what? How would you feel? Stupid? Foolish? Embarrased is more likely. But then again, a blog is the best place to record whatever you may want to put on record for whatever reasons. So the conclusion of the above discourse is that 'Blogging rocks'.
By the way, the above paragraph is in no way suggestive that i have a secret blog or anything. No queries in that regard will be entertained. The reason, why i do not have a secret blog? Because, i dont think it will remain a secret. So many people frequent my room. And, if i need to maintain a secret blog, then i would be accesing it from my room, and anyone could come across it. But does that mean, that i have some secrets? Hmm. I hope not. But then again, ofcourse i would have some. I hope i am not a clean slate. No, i am not a slate. I am a human being. No!! I dont seem to be able to bear my own stupid jokes!

Just did it...

The alarm is for 7am. And i wake up at 6:58am. Hmm. Something amiss? The first thing i do these days after 'wake up' is check mail. Today is no different. Go to inbox of pine. Two mails. The one which caught my eye was from Alexander Kleiner. The one above it was from the mailman of some obscure mailing list (happens to be students.iiit.net). Look at the Alexander's name for a while before pressing enter. The result is supposed to be there. But no, it wasnt there. He just provided a link. I sit down. Deliberate for a minute. Copy the link. (One of the few times that i copied the link properly in linux, I guess, the result of heightened awareness). Start Firefox. Cntrl+L and then Cntrl+V. Enter.
Is the net slow? Nope, it is quite fast. It is always fast in the mornings when most of IIIT is enjoying their dreams. The page quickly opens. At first glance, you dont find the name. No, no conclusions. You have to look closer, before arriving at one. Looked closely.
Yep, It was there. Right there. Qualified!!
Forward the mail to the project partner and project guide. Change the Yahoo status message. And then, go brush the teeth....

No more meddling...

with the template that is. Finally got it to show the blogger comments link, and the haloscan link would be invisible from this post onwards :). Haloscan, it sucks. It provides a good service. Or so we thought. Then after four months, you realise that it gobbles up all your comments. They are apparently stored in their database but wont be shown on site. They will be shown only if you subscribe to their paid service. And this is mentioned only in their faq page. Nowhere else. Very bad strategy. They cant really gain much by trying to con the customer. Customer! Client! No, nothing regarding those terms would be discussed here.
Today (now yesterday) isnt a day worth remembering. Had to quell the frustration that accumulated over time, by going out to dinner. Took the ever reliable Dilip and the erratic Bsnl subscriber Kranthi. Had a nice time which did more than required to while away the so called frustration.
If you win - you have worked hard for it.
but, If you lose - you didnt and dont care about it.
Nice attitude to have, i think. Waiting for the results. Realised that today is the day that they were supposed to have released them. None yet. Even Camel mailed and asked me about it! Whoa! But you cant blame the organisers. After all, Germany is way behind India.
I thought i sometimes write too big a post. But Rao seemed to have broken all records. The blogging phenomena of IIIT is still going strong. I was supposed to have slept by now. So, i guess this sentence has the unique distinction of being the last sentence of this post (i dont know the post number).