the post to be written

tap tap tap
tap away to glory
zap zap zap
words appear in flury
are they sound? are they precise?
or lead to the article's demise?

my mind is roasting merrily with all the blah blah that i have written and am still writing, geesh this scientific research "literature".

the actual "incoming" post about the trip to central europe will be "forthcoming" soon, very soon ..... very very soon .....

twisted and the straightforward

the straightforward part:

- was not able to use the free 45 min wifi available at the hyderabad 'international' airport because i did not possess an indian mobile number.
- almost all the people that use british airways flights between london and hyderabad do so only to go to the united states. out of the 300 or so people from the flight (yes it was completely packed), less than 20 turned up to collect baggage at heathrow! the rest of them obviously went on connecting flights to yamareica.
- my body seems to find it pretty normal to migrate from 43 celsius to 13 celsius; doesn't even notice it.

and now for the twisted aka abstracty part:

- unusually, faster beats have a cause that is not psychological or situational but physiological.
- silence screams. the screams bring forth the difference and painfully underline the current preference.
- helplessness is not a good state to be in. when you end up in the state, you are also too helpless to be able to change it and have to wait for external forces.
- halting the struggle might sometimes be good; releases the pressure, eliminates the expectations and invalidates the calculations.
- but without struggling, nothing can be hoped to be achieved. luck is not a factor.
- smaller views are essential for day-to-day progress but their objects are known to be insignificant in the grander view.
- what was supposed to be significant loses its esteemed status suddenly because it is revealed to be too dependent on fluctuations that might be beyond control to be dependable enough to attain significance.

in the end, they are all excuses. some useful, some not.

less than a day in advance

the last two times i went home to hyderabad, the trip was decided just a week in advance. on the day it was decided, the tickets were bought for a flight some 7-9 days later. ofcourse, the first time, it was my choice, while the second time i had no choice.

this time, i decided today afternoon. called home. called my supervisor. booked tickets for tomorrow afternoon. checked-in immediately. and went to sleep. only to wake up at night to pack. and now to blog.

this time, there was no search involved for cheap tickets. it was quite straightforward. just choose BA which recently started a direct service to hyderabad, the price is equivalent to what it was for my trip last year at this time.

and so off i go .. or here i come?

rant can't warrant

it is expected and normal to not have an idea what you want to do in the long term. ofcourse, this term 'long term' refers to like 10 years for some, 4 years for some others, and less than a year for people like me. but that is okay. what is disconcerting is when you can't even seem to be able to decide for next few weeks or so! well the blame can be put on the fact that among the two choices, one is more practical but not helpful, while the other might be helpful but not practical enough. so, in fact, there are no options. there are no pills. no blue pill, no red pill. what can you do in such a situation?

borrowing from the lexicon of a friend who used to blog often and chat very frequently, 'bwas' and 'bwas' are all that can be seen around sometimes. by the way, even that friend seldom blogs now and almost never chats. coming back to the point (yes, there is always a point or more to such abstracty posts :P), when no possible routes to resolution can be identified, it's not easy to believe that the end will be good and soon.

for other points, as mentioned above :P, it is nice to start watching a random movie on the television which is not even in english (but subtitled ofcourse) and find it thoughtful, entertaining and actually awesome! without passion, there is no pressure? and finally, if blogging is like open-to-everyone mail, is twitter like open-to-everyone instant messaging or chat?

The War of Ills

based on an incomplete true story!

The Colonel (Col1): [strides up to his regiment standing at attention and screams] Attention! The day has come. The day that we have been prepared for. The day to show our worth. The day to attain glorious victory in battle and obtain salvation. Today, we shall see real action. Our services have been sought to help a beleaguered nation. So what if we are mercenaries! We still fight for the good and aim to vanquish the evil! And that is what we will do today. Be ready for transportation in 10 minutes! Dismissed!

The first regiment enters the nation to find it in huge turmoil. At their first rendezvous point with the Lieutenant General of the local military:-
Lt. General of local military (LGLM): Colonel.
Col1: General. [they shake hands]
LGLM: We appreciate your quick response. As you might have noticed on your way here, our great nation has been invaded by foreign groups of uncertain origin. It seems to have been quite a covert operation as they have spread themselves around without being noticed. Now, they are creating havoc. Our great nation is under siege. Our forces are being stretched to their limit to overcome this menace. We hope your refined expertise will bolster us and help us defeat these foreign invaders.
Col1: Of course General. You will be pleased to know that our reinforcements will be arriving once every 12 hours.
LGLM: Indeed. Here is a dossier on the current situation. Godspeed!
Col1: Thanks!

Col1 at a strategic meeting with his captains:-
Captain1: The situation is grim, Sir.
Col1: I know.
Captain1: The local armed forces are battered. The invaders have complete hold in many regions.
Col1: I know.
Captain2: However, the local military has tremendously increased its production of soldiers.
Col1: I know.
Captain3: Still, it is not enough. Also, the quality degrades with increased production.
Col1: [snaps] Perhaps, we should focus a bit more on our own strategy! The main concentration of the invaders seems to be here, in this region. [points in the map] The red zone. Our regiment should break up into small units and target these areas. The subsequent regiments will obviously devise their own strategies, depending on the situation then. Now, get to work Captains!
All Captains: [in unison] Yes Sir!

Getting some free time, Col1 leans back and ponders about this nation. It seems to have come to a stand-still. All work and productivity has ceased. But, no holidaying either. The whole nation seems to be waiting, anticipating something to happen. Expecting him and his regiment to make it happen. Though he doesn’t have to interact with the locals directly, he is aware of the responsibility and trust placed on him. He sighs wondering whether his team and the subsequent ones will be sufficient and strong enough for this war.

Captain7 briefing his unit inside their target area in the red zone:-
Captain7: Remember to distinguish between the locals and the foreigners. Try not to harm the locals! Also, focus more on destroying the regeneration capabilities of the enemy rather than killing them individually. Once they are unable to divide and multiply, they are as good as dead. Finally, remind yourself constantly that you have been created solely for this purpose. Now, disperse and attack!

Soldier1 and Soldier2 are back to back and firing in all directions. Suddenly, Soldier2 stops firing:-
Soldier2: Halt! Haaalt! [Soldier1 also stops fire]
Soldier1: What’s wrong? Don’t tell me you are injured. That is impossible.
Soldier2: Of course am not. These parasites can never harm us! But look at who you are shooting! You have killed so many civilians. And also some local soldiers! You are doing more harm than good dude!
Soldier1: Aargh, man! It is so tough to differentiate between them all. They all look almost the same to me!
Soldier2: Focus dude! And why are you not using your sensory visors? Those will help you identify the targets.
Soldier1: Oops, oh yeah! Okay, now let’s get back into the game!
[They start firing again]

A couple of days have passed. Back at the rendezvous point, Colonel of the 7th reinforcement regiment (Col7) arrives and is briefed by Col1:-
Col1: Most of the previous regiments have focussed on the red zone. However, many of the invaders have infiltrated to various parts of the nation via the extensive and intricate transport system.
Col7: Isn’t the local military also spread out all throughout the nation using this transport network?
Col1: Indeed, that is how they function. Their production facilities are spread out somewhat over the nation. Their purification facilities, energising facilities are all in different regions of the nation as well. But, it does not seem to be sufficient. The local military has become weaker by this war and barely able to hold itself together. They need our expertise even in the non-critical areas.
Col7: Okay. My regiment shall disperse itself into the transport network and try spreading as much as they can. Hope the following regiments will do the same too.
Col1: Yeah, I will suggest the same to them too.
Col7: Well then, all the best. [they shake hands and leave]

Soldier1 and Soldier2 are still firing around in the red zone. Suddenly, Soldier1’s rifle goes silent. Soldier1 nudges Soldier2, who also stops firing:-
Soldier2: What’s wrong now?
Soldier1: I ran out of ammunition. [he is white faced]
Soldier2: Uh, oh! Does that mean, this is it?
Soldier1: I guess so.
Soldier2: But how come you finished yours, while I have so much left?
Soldier1: That is due to the aggression my friend. [he smiles weakly]
Soldier2: So, I guess it is good bye then?
Soldier1: Yeah, off I will go. I will get into their transport system and flow towards salvation! The purpose of this life has been achieved! Whoa, I actually feel relieved now!
Soldier2: All right my friend, all the best with your future lives! Adios!
Soldier1: Adios!
[then he leaves by stepping into the transport network and moving with the traffic flow]

After many more days:-
Col7: I think most of the invaders have been destroyed. We are reaching the end of this war.
LGLM: Yes. We have been gathering reports from throughout the nation. The invaders are largely in disarray with just a few pockets of them showing any resistance.
Col12: My regiment has dispersed into small groups and spreading all over the nation, using your extensive transport network obviously, and trying to mop up these remaining few invaders.
LGLM: Yes, yes. All of our soldiers are also doing the same. Let me tell you that our great nation is extremely grateful to you all for your expertise and support in tackling this menace.
Col11: Lt. General, as you know, many of our soldiers still have ammunition left. So, they will stay behind in your nation until they eventually waste away. You can make use of this opportunity by organising training sessions for your military by our soldiers. If our soldiers successfully pass over their expertise to your military, then you might not need us the next time these kind invaders attack your nation.
LGLM: Indeed. That process is already under way in several regions of our great nation. It has been a great pleasure working with you all. [there is a round of salutation and everyone departs]

--- The End ---

[ fill here with music from a war movie of your choice ]

Credits:-
Regiments of the Mercenary army = Tablets of Ciprofloxacin
Local Military = WBCs aka White Blood Cells aka leukocytes
Foreign Invaders = Evil Bacteria & Parasites
'Great' Nation = body of Mythalez
The Red Zone = the stomach area of the 'nation'

Afterword:- This is based on an incomplete true story because the actual story is yet to reach its climax. And, capitals in the alphabet are found in this post because this is a piece of 'literature and was written using a text-editor.

why? are you a snail?

so, the question is why am i blogging at such a painstaking and atrophying rate these past few months. there must be some reasons eh?

for one, life is going smoothly and pretty quickly, thereby not letting me think up of any worthless matter-less matter to add to the mess of the interconnected garbage spewing conglomeration. although, there are train-loads of uncertainties abound, some about the present, some about the immediate future, and some more about the time after that, those are being recklessly pushed out of sight and imprisoned in dark places.

ofcourse, i can't just blame myself, can i? the main culprit is twitter, which satisfies me with the illusion that i am writing something and contributing at least a part of what i should to the burgeoning mess mentioned above. it's all a ploy i say, a ___________ ploy!! (readers are encouraged to re-read the sentence by filling up the blank space with their choicest adjective).

being enlightened, i often repeat that twitter is no substitute for blogging. but i seem to exhibit my human-ness by not adhering to my own announced principle...

anyway, now let me get back to my shell, its cosy in there :P (yeah, emoticons are allowed to contain capital letters).

just because it's been a while

yeah, almost a month has passed since the last post, but then it doesn't matter, does it?

many a ideas came by and then went away before i could catch hold of them.

i seem to be at a loss for words. abstraction doesn't seem to be effortless anymore. perhaps it is because of all the 'precise' writing that scientific papers require?

so what should i talk about? the few movies that i managed to watch or the many many more that i ought to have watched but haven't?

the book that i borrowed from the library 2 months ago but whose first page is still waiting to be discovered? or the many other books that were gifted to me over the past year which have been patiently waiting for their turn, in a line on the only filled shelf in my room?

or the busy days that seem to pass by in a hurry, but each day lingering long enough to proclaim that nothing much was achieved in it?

the excitement intermingled with the doldrums? the anticipations coupled with the ennui?

and on a unrelated note (not that most of the statements above have any clear relations within them), i realise i haven't been blogging much about my work, my phd, or my life here ....

why? perhaps because it is all good with nothing much to crib about, yet not extraordinary enough to entitle a discourse?

i guess this will do for now and for a while?

25: star 'stuck'

on this 'only once in a lifetime occasion' of completing 1/4 of a century, i was asked to write down a 'quarterly report'. and this is what i came up with:-

oh! sparkling star on the sky found,
i spend the night with you.
with screeching silence, darkness abound
only your light breaks through.

oh! shining with no purpose any,
glowing by fusing nuclei.
not very apart, you and me
being but knowing not why...

-----
and then i felt this is good enough to be a song! and a tune appears for it almost automatically! hence-

readers' assignment: create a tune for this verse, sing it, record it, upload the file somewhere, and post the link here as a comment ;)

region of no capitals

what the observant reader might have noticed, the cynical reader might have not acknowledged and the casual reader might have missed is that the there have been no capital letters in the past few posts.

yes, the new addition to the policy set of this blog, which earlier consisted of just one member -- no images -- is that there will be no use of capital letters anymore.

why does english need capital letters? none of the indian languages have two sets of alphabets and they are just fine. on this basis, the hypothesis is that english too can easily manage with just one alphabet and do away with the letters of the capital kind. an experiment in this regard has now started on this blog by eschewing the use of these proud characters.

hence, the new subtitle to the blog.

ofcourse, like every good regulation, even this one should permit some exceptions. Therefore, those posts, which are basically pieces of fiction, that i type down using some word-processor are allowed to possess capital letters.

another such exception is obviously the title :p

2008 went by but who cares?

so, how did i spend my christmas vacation? by roaming around scotland. no don't worry, it wasn't too cold. the least temperatures we faced were -7 celcius only. so it was fine. but sadly not much snow to be seen either. so what places did we go? i know no one cares to know, but i will list them out just to act as an archive.

edinburgh - we left by train from southampton to reach the capital of scotland. it was a long journey obviously. but edinburgh looked fantastic. all the buildings look ancient, the cobblestoned and often winding roads giving it quite a character. and ofcourse, there were tall cathedrals and a hill-top castle, a river with many bridges across it et al. in summary, edinburgh is definitely a city to be visited. and i guess that is the reason it is the most visited place in the uk after london. sadly, we couldn't go on one of those ghost tours or even the free 3 hr city tour.

aberdeen - am not sure what it's claim to fame is, but it seemed like any other city. and it surprisingly seemed to have a huge indian-origin population. nothing much to see in the city though, went to the beach to enjoy icy-cold waves and wind.

inverness - it's claim to fame now is that it is the northern most place that i have visited, in the world. ofcourse, it is also famous for being next to the notorious loch-ness which is famous for housing the legend of the never seen nessie monster. i liked inverness, especially since it had a river flowing through it and was very cold. the lochness also has a castle next to it, is very very long and has a visitor attraction center for monster sightings etc. also has quite a few drinks named on the monster ;).

glasgow - i had briefly seen it before, and saw a bit more of it this time. it is like a poor cousin of london, as busy as london, but lacking in the character and feel. nothing much there ...

edinburgh - yes, then we came back to edinburgh to welcome the new year by participating in the edinburgh hogmanay street party. it was true to its billing as one of the best new year parties in the world. the number of people attending was unbelievable, must have been in hundreds of thousands (was apparently a record attendance this time). the fireworks were definitely the best that i have seen live. the funniest part was however this- on our way back, we did come across lots of people dancing on the streets, mostly to scottish music etc. however one group of people (which included british, other europeans, chinese, south-asian etc) all dancing to "hare rama hare krishna" with one white guy playing the dhol kind of thing!!

anyways, i shall end talking about the trip. let's see, what else might 2008 be remembered for? my brother's marriage, me buying+wearing a suit for the first time (for the marriage obviously), trekking up a mountain and then almost sliding down, flying a glider (with an instructor sitting behind me, ofcourse), presenting my research paper at a top international conference, forgetting everyone's birthdays, reaching the £1000 limit of my credit-card, enjoying trips to brussels, portugal and india (twice), and many other things that cannot/should-not/will-not be mentioned here ;)

finally, my friend prashant jaikumar aka paccha aka thread aka rmstar and i have started a blog to post the collection of open login mails that our IIIT batch (UG2K2) had to endure over the four years. ofcourse we don't have most of the mails, just a few that were too good to not be deleted from our inboxes. here it is - link

planes of paper .. to savour

paper planes do not fly high
folded creased, with fuel of air
glide and dip to their doom
but no weapons, so no 'boom'

curving up to reach a peak that's
marked only by start of the fall
carry up hopes of those creating fingers
crash upside down, but the wish lingers

hundreds of planes, an army of dreams
one by one or ten together, flung up
a rising sea of paper making a single wave
powerless, and which the winds will enslave

the war, the planes will always lose
but the one battle won, the peak attained
prompts more to be made, more to be thrown
after all, they unravel a smile from a frown.

two paragraphs of nothing.

so, she looked up. was it just a draft sneaking in through the door, when opened by someone, or a shiver inside her establishing its presence? she wrung her hand and scanned across the cafe. perhaps he had sneaked in along with the cold air? she sighed at her own silliness. did she actually expect to see him! but then, if not, what was she doing there. ever so often, it feels like her mind has a mind of its own. takes her places she shouldn't go, makes her say things she never thought of saying. perhaps, the mind is recursive, eh? a mind inside a mind inside a mind ....

another cold draft. perhaps, she should pull on her jersey, lying on the table? but then, she wouldn't look as flattering as she does now, with her bare-shoulders and all. the pains for the pleasures. if he is indeed coming, why can't he be on time, she muttered. maybe, she should just go? how fruitful would this meeting be anyway? it wouldn't change a thing. hope is quite a camouflaged drug. brought her all the way here without consent and is not letting her leave either. she bent forward and buried her face in her sweater. and realised that she was wearing her spectacles instead of the contact-lenses. "damn!", she screamed silently. her useless nervousness while leaving for the cafe had made her forget about such a vital thing. there is no point of the waiting now, she concluded. with her frightful appearance, it might even be detrimental. so, in a rush, she got up, clutched her sweater and darted towards the exit. she pushed open the door and held it long enough to let in enough wind to alert everyone of her indecision and then left. the door had no respite though. it had barely closed that it was pulled open by him.

[head@mythalez]# clear

blitzing through random things; anticipating, but not holding onto anything in particular; trying to push some away; trying to grasp the important and immediately pertinent ones; pushing things forward; pegged back by unknown but strong forces; vacuuming; getting sucked into fuzziness; sorting through; deleting; archiving; ignoring; restive; silence!

clear sky, streams of sunlight, bright fresh cold air, reboot to reality.

after 40 days ...

there must be a reason that i haven't posted for so long? or is there?

many a verse formed a thought
only to fade with the time
to be conveyed, yet left unspoken
the medium, it seems was broken.

and so I go home again !!

just like last time, my trip has been decided just one week in advance. so, again i booked my tickets just 7 days in advance. atleast unlike last time, it did not involve a dedicated search for 4 hours. an half an hour of prowling around secured cheaper tickets (£350) on a better airlines (qatar airways) with shorter total journey times (12 hours unlike the previous one on srilankan airlines which took 18 hrs).

how long you ask? 25 days! but it will be busy few weeks. after all, it is my brother's marriage! so that involves two trips to bangalore for 2-3 days each ... though the rest of the time i will be in hyderabad.

well, the flight is in 15 hours, the bus to the airport is in 11 hours, thats at the unholy time of 5am, and i am still in the lab and yet to even think about packing! so bye bye readers ......

long long ago ... time went by .. it still does

¬ helplessly track wisps of memories floating away into oblivion. try to pull them back, only to find them burst into nothingness like shiny soap bubbles of a mirage.

¬ seen the face almost every other day for four years. exchanged the hi's, the views, the enthusiastic discussions, money, food and assignments. never said a good-bye, but never talked again. see the name in the chat-list everyday, but can't be bothered to message. wonder whether you really knew the face and the name.

¬ ought to message a regular, but the fluctuating list manipulates you into sending the message to someone you rarely conversed with over the past two years. and its awkward. after the standard hi's and the protocol based "how are you? am fine!" exchange, both fall silent. there is nothing to say to each other. the lives are completely different and completely out of touch with the other. the fact that these same lives were closely intertwined just a couple of years ago, holds no significance.

¬ then, there are those kind of persons you meet daily, exchange jokes, talk the general topics and forget about as soon as you walk past them. and sometimes wonder how little you all know about each other. thus, making it certain that once you leave the place, none of them will ever feature in your memories and neither will you in theirs'. yet another addition to the acquaintance links that will quickly wither away.

¬ and finally, there are those that frequently appear in your mind. you recollect all the good times you had, perhaps the not so pleasant ones too. but you are amazed at how they don't exactly seem to remember most of it, making all those memories little imaginary moments of your own mind. you might still meet them regularly, but how can that matter?

when you have nothing important or useful to say..

okay, i was supposed to be finishing up some long pending tasks, instead i am here, typing out arbitrary stuff, because i don't feel like doing anything else...

some days are meant to have a hopeless feeling about them, for no reason. everything is fine, looks great, but she just didn't feel right. went about the usual tasks, kept up the usual smile, but the mind was doing its own analysis in the background. it came up with two fairly obvious conclusions--- very tired of the routine, and nothing exciting to look forward to.

while i am typing this, i am, in parallel, involved in two different but equally demanding chat conversations, each of which is an attempt at convincing a friend that he should infact go ahead and ask that girl (that he has been infatuated with, for many months/years) out and not worry about the supposed consequences of breaking their existing friendship. naah, i don't seem to be succeeding ... both of them are still too scared, but atleast they accepted that they are deeply interested in their respective girls. sorry for the interruption, we now return.

instead, of going through the day listlessly, and then the week and then months and years, she decided to do some different. perhaps, not very dramatic. certainly not very dramatic, she is incapable of that. she always dreads drawing attention to herself. she even frets if her social circle finds some change in her and remarks about it-- like the other day when she had a slightly fancy haircut inviting a few comments, all positive. but she was extremely uncomfortable that day, even left early in order to not attract any more attention. she preferred to remain inconspicuous. at any party filled with new faces, she would tend to blend into the background unless she is with her close group of friends. thats what surprises her. she is not the traditional introvert. she had concluded at an young age itself that she is slightly weird.

aargh, the chat conversations distracted me for too long and now i don't remember what i was thinking while writing the above paragraph, and certainly no clue on which way to extend it. so it will be abandoned .... let's try something else.

the wind was whizzing past. that made the walk even harder. as it is, walking while absolutely lost in thoughts is not an easy activity. the pace slows down as the thoughts keeping sucking in the consciousness. sometimes, the person might even come to a stand-still and not realise it, like he did. and when he did notice it, he started again with a shake of the head and a shrug of helplessness. in spite of his sudden movement, the blame for the crash lay with the cyclist. he, securely ensconced in his helmet, was distracted by a parade of mini-skirted legs on the pavement and didn't notice the person walking right into his path. both of them collapsed to the ground. the non-cyclist was even entangled with the front wheel. after picking themselves up and scanning for scratches, they looked up to face each other. both smiled sheepishly conveying guilt. obviously, each thought it was his own fault. after a flurry of apologies, they restarted on their perpendicular paths; pushing away the memory of this incident into an abyss in their brains, never to recollect. thus, the cycle did crash into other people and even lamp-posts in the rest of its life-time, the cyclist continued to get distracted ever so often and the non-cyclist did continue to apologise unnecessarily, blaming his absent-mindedness for mistakes he didn't commit.